In Your Mind..

a pharmacy student's reality.

By Nadheerah Toriola

I know…

It’s 2 a.m., and your slides are stacked higher than your energy. That manual you haven’t even started is due in a few hours. You’re staring at blank pages, waiting for your group mates to drop their “dubs” in the chat, hoping something, anything, will save you.

There’s an 8 a.m. class. A lab right after. Then back-to-back lectures till 5 p.m. You’re already tired, exhausted thinking about it… and the day hasn’t even started.

You start to question your strength.

It’s not like you’ve been idle. You’ve been trying. So why does it still feel like you’ve done nothing?

And then there are your “guru” coursemates; the ones who always seem put together. You almost wonder if they have extra brains hidden somewhere. They make you feel that you’re behind.

You can’t even enjoy the things you used to. Everything apart from studying feels like wasted time. So you cancel plans. Skip gatherings. Sleep less. Tell yourself you’ll rest later. At some point, even prayer becomes rushed… or forgotten.

And then there’s the expectations from home.

“I know my child will make us proud.”

Everyone assumes you’re figuring it out so well.

You remember how your mum brags to her friend, with so much pride that you’re studying pharmacy but doesn’t know what it’s costing you to keep going.

You wanted to tell her the truth. How you’re struggling. How your standards quietly changed from “I want an A” to “At least I didn’t carry it over.” How you write letters begging for 69 to become 70, or even 59 to 60. How you don’t feel as capable as they think you are. How you’re afraid of disappointing them. How…

(sighs)

But you didn’t. You couldn’t. Because how do you explain something you barely understand yourself?

At some point, you just feel too overwhelmed. Like you’re carrying more than your share. Your mind won’t slow down; jumping from incourses, to exams, to everything else you’re trying not to think about.

Hehe… this feels familiar? Then you should know you’re not the only one here.

Dear you, it might look like everyone else has figured it out. Like they’re ahead, steady, unshaken. They’re not. A lot of people are just better at hiding it, just like YOU.

So no, you’re not “falling behind.” You’re human. And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

But… don’t stay there alone.

Talk to someone. A friend. A coursemate. Anyone who will actually listen. Step outside for a bit.

Clear your head. Volunteer. Even if it feels like you don’t have the time, take it anyway. It would make you feel good.

Pray. Eat properly. Sleep well. Do things you love; journaling, dancing, singing, drawing and so on. Not because it sounds nice, but because your body is already keeping score.

And that CGPA? As important as it feels right now, it is not the full measure of who you are… or who you’ll become. You are allowed to be more than your results.

As future pharmacists, we’ll spend so much time telling patients to take care of their mental health, to rest, to be consistent with their medications, to prioritize themselves. It would be ironic if we forget to do the same for ourselves. Because the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t care for patients when you’re running on fumes.

So check in with yourself. And while you’re at it, check on your friends too. The strong ones. The quiet ones. The ones who “seem fine.”

Sometimes, they’re waiting for someone to ask.

-For IPSF Nigeria (PANS UNILAG CHAPTER) Mental Health Committee

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Edited by Chinaza Atune

Photo Source: Pinterest